Things Mom did NOT tell me...

... on how to make a relationship work. Over the years, Ma has told me a number of things on how to have a lasting, successful and happy relationship - in that order - with special emphasis on the 'lasting'. Most of those things have involved me -- always -- doing those things. However, and I say this with a heavy heart, an aching back and at the absolute end of my short-lived, rarely seen patience... I think Ma either missed out a whole lot of stuff or intentionally didn't tell me.

Like having to watch sport all the time. Like ALL the time. I could perhaps understand footy (Australian League Football), I can even understand tennis. If it's the Ashes, I can even understand cricket. What I DON'T understand is sudden interest in rugby, followed by golf (so s-l-o-w), the Tour de France because there's-nothing-else-on-TV and worse, "watching" stupid blokes in weird clothes playing poker. Poker!?

Or that a lasting relationship means having to put the lid back on everything. Like EVERYTHING. Bathroom, toothpaste lid is missing. Breakfast table, from the milk, jam, butter, vegemite; nothing has the lid back on. Re-warmed something, the microwave door is wide open. Cutlery drawer, of course it's too much to push it back. I've heard women have to pick up strewn clothes... but shutting doors and putting the lids back on everything?!

Or wet towels off the floor. It's been used, it will need to be used again and it is not pleasant using it when it's wet. So why not put it out? Nope, doesn't work that way. And strangely, it is always followed by a surprised, "How come there are no towels in the bathroom?" Because maybe they are all on the bed?

Or man sickness. LORD how I can't understand man sickness. I used to think it was only my Dad who was, well, weird. Whenever Dad was ill -- includes cough and cold -- he had/has this habit of groaning loudly. Like lying in bed, sniffling and groaning. Not because it was hurting him but because Dad truly believed -- even argued about it -- that groaning loudly made him feel better.

So period pain is something that can be fixed with a tablet and comes with a "But you should be used to it, it's monthly, right?" But common cold, muscle ache due to sudden over-zealous exercise, cough, post-all-night-drinking-headache. are all matters of urgency. They need to be dealt with chicken soup, constant fussing, a massage in appropriate places, favourite food being cooked and of course, total control of the TV remote control.

And of course, total control of the TV remote control. What's so wrong with watching a soap opera or some reality TV show? One is make-believe and the other is watching other people make an ass of themselves. At least unlike poker, it does not involve some loser competing with other losers on who loses the most money. I don't understand "watching" poker at all.

Ma did mention compromise though. And honestly, it's never been a favourite word. Hrmph. Gotta go, there's a wet towel to be picked up.

PS: All hints, tips and arguments are welcome.
Pic courtesy: 4tnz

PS: Wearing the shoe on the other foot, the Partner's list would perhaps read something like:
1. Constant praising of everything cooked; re-warmed dishes previously praised included.
2. Too much money spent on buying plants; I've heard of women buying clothes and jewellery but $ 200 on saplings?
3. A sudden interest in sickening soap operas just because there's a very important poker tournament on.
4. Absolutely imperative things to discuss just when the third English wicket has fallen...
5. Constant debates on anything remotely related to India, women, liberation, porn...
6. Intense discussions on Harry Potter... everytime she re-watches the movies 1-5...
7. (I'm sure there are more) ;)


Passionate Goof said...

Funny! And quite true.

Advice - keep your wet towel on his side of the bed a couple of days, that might just work. ;)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Picking up strewn clothes and wet towels!! It's like encoded in their man-DNA or something! Yes, the groaning too!

Don't know what to tell ya' sweetie. Eight years of marriage and I still haven't figured it out!

Anonymous said...

very good one !!!

and what bout the comparisons to his darling Mum !!!

Dulce said...

I really love this sad reality depiction. You really know who men are and behave... and so does your mom?!

Shanks said...

Not our fault. Our mothers do all this for us, so we expect the same from our partner.

Moreover you girls expect us to be monogamous, so you can do this much for us.

JB said...

@ Shanks: Er, so each time you don't pick up a towel or do one of the things listed...your partner can go sleep with another man? And the last I checked, your mother gave birth to you...your partner didn't. When partner and mother start meaning the same thing?

@ Goofy: :) Shall try it.

@ Mamma Mia: man-DNA. SO true.

@ Anonymous: Thankfully, don't have that one...might be an Indian man specialty!

@ Dulce: ah, not really sad, just inescapable. But guess it's a give and take of irritating things on both sides. I think my mum knew too, she just didn't complain as much as I do.

InExile said...

well written Child !

Eveline said...

There exist two classes of people -one, who will always figure out what to do with each other. And then there are people who think this is simply the natural order of things.
I call for an organized strike! What do u think? :P

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