Marriage & mayhem: Love is wrong, parents are right?

Life and Marriage are similar in many ways. For one, there are no guarantees in either. Second, there are no fixed rules for living a good life or a ‘making’ a good marriage that applies to all people. Then there’s the bit about both life and marriages throwing up surprises. Sometimes, nasty ones. It started two weeks back with an email from a reader in the US and as one mulled over the contents a colleague announced, “Someone left a strange comment on one of the tech stories” and ‘pinged’ me the comment. It was disturbing.

“Hi, I am from Bangalore and have been in love with a girl from Mysore for the last two years. She is a Punjabi and her parents are forcefully trying to marry her off to another man. I spoke to her father about letting us marry; he has refused and threatens murder. She is ready to leave her family and marry me but we are scared: What if her father kills us?” Even as one thought of possible suggestions for the distraught couple, a recently heartbroken friend called.
“My parents have found a boy for me. I have not met him yet but have said yes. The wedding might take place in the next two months. There is too much pressure. I am 26, how long can I delay the inevitable?” she asked. One told her that while there was nothing wrong with an arranged marriage – we have umpteen examples of highly successful, happy arranged marriages around – agreeing to marry someone she had not even met seemed a bit drastic. “After having taken most of my ‘life’ decisions myself – and things blowing up in my face – perhaps I should let my parents decide for me? Perhaps they will make a better decision than me… No?”
Two faces of the same coin: On one hand, a case where the girl is ready to marry according to her parents wishes, hoping that in their infinite, adult wisdom, they would make the ‘right’ choice. On the other hand, a couple is scared for their lives because eerily enough, it’s parents who want to kill them.
Before you go further, you might want to read these two pieces (my blogs on ibnlive.com):
On the question of parents knowing best..and then CHOOSING to keep quiet:Children of an Abused Nation
On the question of HONOUR-KILLINGS or killing because parents dont approve of boy/girl:
Did Papa murder Rizwanur Rehman?

Before you read further, tell me what you think:1. When it comes to finding marriage partners: Do parents make the best choice for us?
2. What would you do if your child chose someone you didn’t approve of?
3. If your parents oppose your choice of husband/wife, what would you do?
4. Do you think ‘honour killing’ is justified?
Read further >>> They gave me life… But it’s MY life?


Rape...and getting away with it in India.

Statutory warning: Could be disturbing. Some of you might find the following post offensive. Some of you might enjoy it because you might be a bastard. Or because you have already done it and gotten away with it.

It’s cleared here that the post does NOT promote raping a woman, since there are people stupid enough to need that clarification. However, following recent rape cases, there seems to be a guide-book that rapists are following. And it ‘could’ read like this:

1. A man let's the woman think he is friend so that she trusts him. Others could be a stranger and can catch her off-guard in a secluded place.
2. A secluded place is often not mandatory: A bunch of men can do it in public by squeezing her breasts, feeling her butt and tearing her clothes. It happened twice in Mumbai and other men joined in.
3. Some don't bother with penile intercourse. They shove anything inside a woman... They seem to know that a girl cannot do anything to prove rape since a penis was not used.
4. Drunk women are supposedly easy targets. It's scary when young women in pubs declare, "Oh I am drunk" with their clothes falling all over the place. Someone offers her/them a ride... and she's raped in a car. The women did NOT step out toe be raped; they stepped out to dance. But it happens. Later they will say in court that her character was questionable.
5. Many such rapists -- mobile rapists in cars -- have their car windows absolutely tinted. It's against the law in most Indian states, but it just takes 100 bucks to bribe a traffic cop who might object. It seems mobile rapists prefer big cars with wide back seats; it helps to spread the woman.
6. Not that anyone cares if the woman is cramped or hurting; rape is not exactly known to be comfortable. Mobile rapists often have a good stereo system with blaring music; guess it drowns out the screams. Some perhaps threaten the girl to keep quiet... they use a knife or beat her senseless.
7. Often it's not just the rape. Women -- especially children who are 8-years-old -- are left torn and bleeding. Perhaps the rapist gets excited when he tears into a woman/ girls vagina or anus.
8. Given that many medical shows and crime show that sperm is used for a 'rape swab' -- testing whether a victim has been raped -- rapists seem to be getting smarter and don't ejaculate inside a woman. Medical tests also need to be done within 24 hours to be conclusive evidence. Sometimes, girls are 'thrown away' after three days of repeat use.
9. White girls, “foreigners” and Indian girls who go out to nightclubs are seen as easy rape victims. Why them? Because they were partying. Or walking to the local dhaba to get food. Or seen dancing with boys. Or showed cleavage. Sometimes, just because they had a vagina.
It had been playing up on my mind for quite some time, rather since Sunday morning when a front page article – three paragraphs of it – in Times of India read, “12-year-old gang-raped and murdered by policeman, accomplices.” Two pages later, adjacent a page filled with ads – one of them from a bank that promised india of the future – there were only rape report after rape reports. A full page of rape.
Two weeks back on the Bhikaji Cama flyover, this kid from office and me were returning home in an auto. I was smoking. As the traffic slowed on the flyover, three boys on a scooter came very close to the auto – I was sitting on the left, to the exit – and started saying, “Give us the cigarette sexy, cigarette to dede hamein,” one of them reached out inside and I started screaming whatever came to my head including words like “vehicle number”, “police”, “stop the auto”, “follow them”. They fled. I dialed 100, there was no response.
Three weeks back, Partner and me stopped at Bikaner Sweets in Katwaria Sarai – two minutes from Qutub Hotel, a five star – to eat some samosas and gulab jamuns, we have a weakness for it. As we waited for the sales guy to take our order, there was a group of boys standing and checking me out and making various noises. Another guy passed me saying, “Dekh desi choot ne gora pakad liya hai.” Literally it meant, “Indian cunt has found a white boy.” Partner does not understand Hindi, I did not translate: He would have gotten into a fight. I do not underestimate my man… but I do NOT want him knifed. Remember Crash? When the policeman holds a gun to husband’s head and fingers the wife? So I take even more crap when with Partner for fear of his reaction. It is not in me to keep quiet, but I do.
These days I am getting into more verbal skirmishes with random men and auto drivers than I ever have… I CANNOT stand the idea of anyone looking my way. My blood boils and I want to punch, kick and take their balls in my hands and SQUEEZE till their eyes pop out. I am so scared it is making me a nervous wreck.
And CONSTANLY my friends and well-wishers tell me to CALM DOWN FOR MY OWN GOOD. It is NOT helping me. I am told that speaking out or taking on “these people” might backfire. I might get beaten up. I might be picked off and gang-raped. I wonder then, does gang-rape hurt lesser than a single man raping? Doesn’t a woman pass out after say the third forceful penetration? (Then I remember a case where a girl was gang-raped for four days…) Do they stop to consider if the woman is wet? Do they stop if she develops sudden cramps in her stomach? Do they stop if she starts bleeding? Since rape is power, perversion and a crime of dominance, chances are, they don’t. They do all this to KIDS. Little girls who don’t even have their vaginas READY to take in a finger. Much less a man.
1999. A father rapes his 8-year-old daughter by forcing her to give him a blow job, by penetrating her with his fingers, both anally and vaginally. The High Court of India DISMISSED the case saying the case was invalid. The Indian Penal Code ONLY takes penile penetration as rape. Hahahahahaha.
I am getting more paranoid, cagier. So now, not only do I have to bear men staring at my breasts, my arse, saying nasty things like, “Choot chudhwani hai kya” – which in English for those who DON’T understand Hindi means-: “Do you want your pussy f**ked?” I also cannot say anything about it. Even as I am typing this, I've come back from the office pantry with a cup of tea. As I bent to retrieve the paper cup that fell, a colleague of mine was standing trying to look inside my shirt. As I waited for the cup to fill, the bastard was STILL checking out my breasts. I came T.H.I.S. close to throwing boiling water in his eyes. Should have.
I don’t care if I am beaten up, have acid thrown on my face or am run over by a truck. If ANY man touches me, says anything remotely sexual or even looks at me… I am hitting out. It’s not as if my not saying anything will stop them. So might as well. And I am going to arm myself. I will not feel scared and since I AM scared, I am going to react like any other cornered animal, by hitting out. Because sooner or later, every woman is going to be raped.
Every hour, EVERY hour, 18 women face "crime" in India: Rape? Molestation? Eve teasing? All of the above?
Since 1971, rape cases have increased by 700 per cent.
Since 2005, there has been a 5.1 % increase in rape cases registered. The key word is REGISTERED. Many are not reported.
There used to be 7 rape cases per day... NOW it is 53 cases a day.

PS: Tip for women: IF anyone is forcing ORAL sex on you: Be it your boyfriend, husband or a stranger: BITE down on the penis, do NOT let go. It will hurt so bloody much that it should incapacitate him for long enough for you to run.
Remember, the man will NOT stop from hurting you, he might even kill you once you have seen his face and if he thinks you might go to the police: Catch his balls and do Not let go. SQUEEZE with ALL your life. He WILL hurt you later, you be the first. Eventually, you will anyway be dead. Go with the knowledge that you got the bastard.
PS 2: I am sorry, I am depressed. I have to go out tonight…and I am nervous that I will again have to either turn a blind eye to the mother-fuckers around or spoil everyone’s night by getting into a fight.


How to do it doggy style...

Lesson 1
Doggie Lesson 1: If you want something, say it with your eyes and look sorry ---->
Lesson 2
<-- Doggie Lesson 2: If you have a good posture, everyone will think you are well-bred.

Lesson 3

Doggie Lesson 3: If caught on scene-of-crime, look as if you're
contemplating mysteries of life.

Lesson 4

<-- Doggie Lesson 4: Looking hopeful is half the battle won - Especially when staring at the food others eat. Look optimistic, you never know when some might be thrown your way.

Lesson 5
Doggie Lesson 5: And if you get tired begging, just go to sleep -- NEAR the food -- and look cute. A bloody guilt trip ALWAYS works on the humans. You'll get some when you wake. --->
Lesson 6

Doggie Lesson 6: Waiting in the kitchen is another effective tactic. But since that is TRESPASSING, ensure you're looking all cute and cuddly when caught out.---- -->
<-- Doggie Lesson 7: Sometimes, you just have to BEG for physical affirmations of affections. "Pet me Mom!"
Doggie Lesson 8: Silence and sulking are a good form of protest. Non-violence ki jai! --->

<--- Doggie Lesson 9: Nothing should disturb your sleep, NOTHING.

Doggie Lesson 10: And no matter what you do, Mamma always loves you. Even if you fucking chew her finger, you shite!-->
PS: The big shite's called Golu Dawg (1 year, four months, half german shepherd, half lord-only-knows), the little one's called Princess Loona (8 months, also responds to 'Piglet', eats anything that moves, or for that matter doesn't! Half Beagle, half LOK).
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