Craving for calories

<---- Just LOOK at those... they just want to be bitten into.

There has been something seriously missing in my life... at least gastronomically. I've tried everything from croissants, doughnuts, the fraud tandoori chicken that you get here, the simple-yet-tasty Japanese chicken curry (Don Don) and chicken laksa (Laksa King).

Nothing's working!!! :( Everything is just so.... BLAND!

At a restaurant last week, when I asked for my Bloody Mary to be made spicier... I was given a whole bottle of tabasco sauce. WTF??! I might as well have bought my own tin of tomato juice, vodka and chewed on some celery while at it. The restaurant I worked at, the chef made daal and put - choke! - chopped chives in it. Sorry, it was tasty and all, but THAT was not daal. No wonder restaurants here spell it as 'dhal'. My arse.

Then yesterday -- again while watching another documentary on SBS, this one on 'rising India' -- they showed this bloody British bloke chomping away on - gulp! - moong daal pakore and mirchi pakore. "These are so good. Fried chillies, who would have thought of it?" he says. Yessir, bada sahib, a nation of a billion -- and it's neighbours eat it -- but of course if Your Highness has not heard of it, it's not supposed to exist.


I don't care about pavloas, I want pakore. Fuck the tiramisu, gimme tikki any day. And gol-gappe at Nathu's. Here I put like two, little black peppercorns in my daal and people go, "My god that's hot." Arre, what bloody hot! No jalebees either and it is a national insult to call those things-that-come-in-tins as rasgullas.

My life is ruined. Partner better make up for it. :(

My current fantasy list includes:
1. Jalebee that I had at India Today office: Karol Bagh, Jhandewalan

2. Mirchi pakode: from anywhere

3. Gol gappe: always Nathu's...and please, the real ones are not called water balls (scoff)

4. Aloo tikki: Sarojini Nagar, after loads of shopping while jostling with other women

5. Pyaz parantha: Moolchand, mere pyaare Moolchand paranthe...

6. Kulcha-chana @ Rs 5: outside the Times of India office, ITO...

7. Bhel puri: For Rs 7/- outside LSR, he just knew how to make it

8. Kaala-khatta: the joy of slurping, South Ex part 2

9. Aloo-chaat: as you enter Noida from Kalindi Kunj side, there are these dudes who make fried
potato chaat in tins, with three other tin scraps to keep the wind out. Oh lord, divine.

10. Samose followed by gulab jamun: at Ber Sarai, even Partner misses them.

11. Bread pakore: again India today office, Karol Bagh, Jhandewalan...really oily, really unhealthy, but bloody good for the taste buds.

12. Meetha paan: only and only from Prince Paan Bhandar, GK 1. Partner never understood my fascination for paan. He has no appreciation for the good things in life.

Oh my life is ruined.

PS: Am hungry, what to eat? A sandwich. Wow.


Shrey said...

Its 9.30 in the morning, am on my way to work and want to eat samosa now after reading this. I will have two now, one for me and one in your name :)

JB said...

Shrey: siiiiiiiigh.... the nice ones? with really spicy aloo-masala and sometimes, kishmish as well? With imli ki chutney? enjoy it my friend... i know you mean it well, but you DO realise it is jale par samosa right?

Goofy Mumma said...

Hey why don't you fry yourself some pakoras? I am sure the ingredients are available. You need the vegetable, the besan, salt n whatever spices you wish to add. Fry yourself some lady, and smile. They are the easiest things to make, the first thing i ever cooked in life. i think i will make some today. :)

Once the Conman said...

Damn fuck! Now that you say it, I miss that shit too.
I feel like Butter Chicken and Naan, with a cold glass of pepsi and ice, with sirke waala pyaaz, from Chic Fish.

Jab I Write.... said...

am hungry tooo...someone get me atleast some stuff from jhooomur's wishlist! U kno I live in the mid east now and since there are so many indian expats here in Muscat,its not tuff to find the decent indian food around...but the yummy, polluted dilli ki gali variety is a distant dream, I swear jhoomur....

Jhoomur aka JB said...

Goofy : arre what ya?! beats the whole point of pakore from street-side stalls if i have to make it na?! :) and did you make them??

Conman: slurp @ sirke waala pyaaz... and chikan tikka from Kake da Dhaba... and dirty chowmein from the 'vans'...

Ria: its the dirt. just doesn't taste the same with gloves on... i can taste the latex!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Drat that! Now you've mademe hungry again!

Sigh! I guess I'll just have to get off my fat ass and waddle over to the corner puchka-wallah!

Hope that sandwich hit the spot!
*ducks and runs for cover before being hit with said unfinished sandwich!)

Eveline said...

LOL @ 'water balls'!!!
I dont eat chaat quite often but when i do get a chance to visit one of 'em stalls i go berserk!
Nothing soothes your soul like watching the guy preparing your chaat squeeze the lime all over the bhel puri or watching the slab of butter melt on a monstrous pan for a Pav Bhaji...yumm!

... RUN! :D

Jhoomur aka JB said...

GRRRRRRRRR @ all chaat-scoffing, parantha-stuffing, puchka-gobbling MEAN people.

(shakes in dispair)

Anonymous said...

"Partner never understood my fascination for paan. He has no appreciation for the good things in life."

Yup, and you're the living proof.

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