23.11.10

Hello, vagina?

Will my real vagina please stand up? The visual that could go with that phrase is quite alarming. It would be apt though, the situation is quite alarming. Exactly four-months-and-a-week (today) since delivering Mia, it's like I have a stranger down there. A scary, intimidating stranger. Had I been warned that my relationship with V would drastically change after having a baby, I would've done something about it. Perhaps I'd have spend more time with her. Now it's too late.

 So I said to my doctor, "I don't feel the same anymore." I was hoping she'd have a solution, maybe some kind words. "It won't feel the same jb, it is not the same," she said as she adjusted the colposcope. See how things have changed? I am using words like 'colposcope' in the same sentence as 'my vagina'. A year back I didn't even know what the damn thing was. A colposcope that is.

I was supposed to be awed by the capabilities of the vagina. How it can push a baby out and spring back to shape (skulk more like it). I mean I knew how babies were born. However, I had resolutely refused to think about the technical details. You know, how something so small stretches like that. Even while I was pregnant I had convinced myself I'd have a caesarian. Only it didn't happen and I ended up having induced-but-natural birth. I'm pretty sure I could push Mia out only because I was in shock about the whole thing.

Now a baby and a LEEP later, it feels like my vagina has a 'Keep Off: Passers will be prosecuted' sign on it. (Passers, trespassers is hoping for too much, really). Or a museum with a constant 'closed for renovation' sign. I don't know which is worse. Initially there was the bit about 'no action till 6 weeks'. Just as I reached that point, there was the LEEP. Now it's 'no action till another 4 weeks'. By then the doctor will want another lookie and I'm sure there will be something else. 

And just when I spent a day moping about it, read some other bloggers going through similar stuff and came out thinking 'this too shall pass', this happened. So Partner and I are standing next to Mia's cot and staring down at her little form. Spread-eagled majestically, mouth open, slightly drooling and sleeping without a care in the world. It was a Kodak-moment. We sighed, we smiled at each other and then Partner said, "Can you believe you pushed her out of your pussy?"

PS: Has anyone -- with a baby -- felt like this?

PS again: Wondering about Emancipation of Eve? It's there, just not writing there anymore. Check out the 'about' section here for reasons. And why not check out the other sections as well? Would love to hear what you think. Might not agree with suggestions etc. But then you know that. This is the new blog. Welcome.

and again: Before you have a baby, have as much sex as you can. Take that very seriously.

8 comments:

Kiran Bajaj Sawhney said...

Hey JB congrats for the new blog. Looks great. Also read the about section. Interesting. I love Mia's pics that you put on fb. She is adorable.

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

A veteran of 2 C-secs, the last one happening 4 years ago and my 'closed for renovations' sign seems to have become permanent. Have traded sex for sleep and not complaining...

Jhoomur aka JB said...

@ Kiran: :) thank-you. Hows='s art of living going for you:?

The Jelly Bean's Mum said...

Hey love, was just contemplating my own vagina recently and although mine hasn't been closed for renovation (I did end up with the emergency C Section nearly 4 years ago now) the single parent life means that there aren't many shoppers in my vicinity anyway! But alas, I think we have to grow and change when our life/body/V-JJ tells us to do so.

Our lives will never be the same, but now that we've had them, why would we ever want to go backwards!

Onward and Upward I say - maybe you could say that to Partner as well!
;o)
Love the new blog Darling girl
xox

JB said...

@ Mamma mia: It's not even about trading sex here. It's like V is scared of it. The moment I have even the teensiest of sexual thoughts, she goes and hides somewhere. Like no feeling. :|

JB said...

@ Jelly Bean: Hello you! So good to see you here. :) Upwards and onwards sounds good. And poor Partner does not complain at all. That's the tough bit, I am the one doing most of the complaining!

Jab I Write.... said...

its revelation to hear some of ure thots n that of oders babes, i thot i was d only loser that has that sign up for more dan a year ya!even watching porn isnt helping! anyway mia baby's a beauty, hugs from me n maahi

JB said...

@ Jab I write: sigh. my problem is both medical (doc says no) and mental. i realise i'm scared of it. in a way with the delivery and the operation, it feels like so much has happened down there that i'd like it to be left alone, thankyouverymuch.

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